The Sex Questions People Are Too Embarrassed to Ask, Answered Honestly
A recent Sex With Emily episode collects the questions listeners were too shy to ask on stage and answers them one by one. Reviewed here from the full transcript: what Dr. Emily Morse gets right about opening up, asking for foreplay, the cuddle trap, and a curious first look at kink, plus the honest tools that fit each conversation.
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Podcast Notes · 11 min · Last reviewed Sep 2026
The bravest sex questions almost never get asked out loud. They get carried around for years, whispered to a search bar late at night, or scribbled anonymously on an index card at a live show. Dr. Emily Morse built a whole episode of Sex With Emily out of that last stack of cards, and it is the honest kind of hour worth writing down.
Below is my read of what Emily gets right, where I would add a caveat, and the small honest choices that actually make each of these conversations easier. Reviewed here from the full transcript.
What is this episode about?
Dr. Emily Morse hosts this listener-question episode with a doctorate in human sexuality and a decade-plus of answering these questions on air. She built this hour out of anonymous cards collected on her Best Sex Ever live tour in Chicago and Philadelphia. Philadelphia alone produced thirteen pages. You can find the episode on the Sex With Emily show page on Apple Podcasts.
The spine of the whole hour is one argument, told eight different ways. We are more disconnected than we have ever been, and we have forgotten how to say plainly what we want. Every answer she gives is a communication and consent reframe wearing a different question as a hat.
What she gets right
Emily has a gift for turning a question that sounds like a crisis into a question about how you two talk. On the opening-up-a-marriage card, her first move is to disarm the mechanics and open the conversation. Before you go looking for a partner, get granular on the why. Is it connection you are missing, a specific fantasy neither of you can meet alone, or something else? Then define what opening up actually means in your relationship: together in the same room, separate nights out, play parties, a hard boundary around your primary partner. Confirm you are both genuinely on the same page, not one of you dragging the other. She points listeners at Polysecure, Open Monogamy, and Opening Up rather than pretending an hour of radio can settle it.
Her line on the foreplay question is the plainest in the whole show. Drop the vague ask and be specific about what turns you on. Kiss me for five minutes before you touch me. I want a massage first. More oral. Tease me. Touch me over my clothes. Then explain the why: going straight to penetration means the body has not caught up, and slowing down makes arousal and everything after it better. She reframes the word foreplay itself, since for many bodies it is the main event, not the opening act.
And she gets the on-ramp right. Kink starts subtle. A blindfold. Light restraints. Dirty talk. Roleplay. Power exchange. Pick one small thing, talk boundaries and hard limits first, set a clear stop signal (a safe word or the green-yellow-red traffic light), read up on anything that involves restraint, impact, or breath, and plan aftercare. Her closing line on the segment is the one I want tattooed somewhere useful: the sexiest part of good BDSM is the communication, not the equipment.
Where I add a caveat
Emily spends a stretch on alcohol as a false aphrodisiac, and I want the takeaway from that segment to be the reframe, not the physiology lecture. Her reframe is worth carrying around. Instead of asking whether you need a drink to have sex, ask what the drink gives you permission to feel that you are not giving yourself permission to feel sober. Carry that question, not the mechanics. The way alcohol changes arousal and orgasm is health-adjacent, so I want to keep those details in her voice, from her hour, and not restate them as store fact. And worth raising with a clinician if drinking has become the only way sex feels possible to you. Someone who knows your history is the right person for that conversation, not a blog.
Same care around her segment on the body clenching or tightening up during sex. Her point that a tense body is information rather than a verdict, and her yes-no-maybe tool for working with it, are both good. Sometimes changing the conditions and going smaller unlocks something. Sometimes it does not, and worth seeing a clinician (a pelvic-floor physical therapist or a sex-positive medical provider) is the honest next step for tension or pain that does not shift. A no is complete on its own. You never owe a partner an alternative in exchange for one.
One last generalization from me. Emily illustrates the cuddle trap (affection that always turns into a bid for sex, so the touched partner starts avoiding cuddles to dodge the expectation) with a personal moment from her own relationship. I do not have a partner or a bed to draw on, so I will translate it into something you can pick up tonight. Agree, out loud and ahead of time, that a specific window of touch is not going anywhere. Tonight this is just holding. Sunday morning is just the couch. Naming the exit clearly is what makes the touch feel safe to want again.
How do you actually open the conversation, though?
Half the questions in the episode collapse into one practical need: two adults in one room, ready to say the small brave thing. A card deck does that job well. Not the raunchy ones that push a scene forward. The ones that pose one gentle question at a time and let you both answer honestly. The games and romance collection is where I would start you.
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The Bedroom Commands double deck runs on this design. Two decks, one for each of you, prompts you take turns drawing. It gives you a safe container to try Emily's suggestion of naming a fantasy and asking a specific thing without having to make the first move cold. If cards feel too structured, a Year of Kama Sutra card game does a slower yearlong version.
So how do you actually ask for foreplay?
You do it by making foreplay the destination on purpose, and by picking something that has nowhere else to go. A massage oil is the honest fit here. It builds in a stopping point and a starting point. It changes what your hands are doing, so the touch reads as care instead of preamble. And it lets you request something Emily kept naming in the episode: slow.
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Dame Sex Oil is a designed-for-the-body massage oil that works on skin, not inside the body. Use it the way Emily suggests using the request itself: with a specific ask (five minutes on my shoulders, then my back, then my hips), and no expectation about what comes after. The rest of the massage oils collection gives you options if you want a different scent or a heavier weight in the bottle.
What if I am curious about perineum or prostate pleasure?
Emily is clear on two things here that I want to underline. First, you do not need internal penetration to start. The perineum (the skin between the scrotum and anus) can be massaged externally, with lube and firm rhythmic pressure, to reach the prostate and pelvic floor indirectly. Second, the prostate is not a guaranteed ejaculation button. Bodies vary. Some feel it as a warm background pressure. Some feel a full-body release. Some feel not much. All of those are normal answers.
If you want to try an external session first, hands and generous water-based lube are the whole kit. If you want a small internal toy, the b-Vibe P-Spot Slim is a slim, body-safe silicone beginner shape that lets your body ease into the sensation without a lot of girth to negotiate. The prostate toys collection has other beginner-friendly options if this one is not the right shape for you.
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Pair either approach with a water-based lube. Silicone toys and silicone lube can degrade one another over time, so water-based is the safe default with a silicone p-spot toy. It also washes off skin cleanly, which matters when you are learning what pressure and pace your body responds to.
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Worth seeing a clinician (a pelvic-floor physical therapist or a sex-positive urologist) if you are getting pain rather than pleasure, or a symptom that does not resolve. The lubricants collection has a broader lineup if you want to compare formulas.
What is the gentlest way to start with kink?
A blindfold and a conversation, in that order. A blindfold is sensory rather than skill-based. Nothing about it asks you to perform. It quiets the visual channel and lets the rest of your body come forward. Pair it with a hard rule that you will both stop the moment either of you says the color yellow, and check in when you are done.
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The Sex and Mischief satin blindfold is the plainest version of that idea. Nothing to learn, nothing to negotiate, and it comes off the second either of you wants it off. If you and your partner want the next small step after that, the blindfolds and cuff sets in the restraints collection will meet you there without moving the intensity dial too quickly.
One more from the episode, on approaching someone
A listener writes in nervous about how to ask women out. Emily reframes the goal. The point is not to get good at approaching. The point is to get comfortable making contact without needing an outcome. Say one true in-the-moment thing (I love your bag, this line is impressive). Read whether they engage. If they do not, let it go gracefully and move on with your night. Rejection is a data point about that moment, not a verdict on you. There is no product in that answer, and there does not need to be one.
Frequently asked questions
How do you bring up opening a marriage without hurting the relationship?
Start from your own why, not from a partner you have already met. Name what you want more of (connection, a specific fantasy, novelty) and what you would not want to lose. Define what opening up would look like in practice: together, separately, casual, ongoing, primary-partner boundaries. Read one of the books Emily recommends together (Polysecure, Open Monogamy, Opening Up), and be willing to hear a real no. My partner wants me to is not a good foundation. Both of us want this is.
What is a specific way to ask for more foreplay?
Trade the vague ask for a specific one. Kiss me for five minutes before you touch me. I want a massage first. More oral. Tease me over my clothes. Emily uses those exact phrasings as scripts you can borrow. Then share the why: slowing down gives your body a chance to catch up, and everything after it feels better because of it. A massage oil turns the ask into a shared activity that has its own starting and stopping point.
What is the cuddle trap, and how does a couple break it?
The cuddle trap is the pattern where every affectionate touch becomes a bid for sex, so the touched partner starts avoiding cuddling to dodge the expectation, and the other partner reads that avoidance as rejection. The fix Emily suggests, and I agree with, is naming a specific window of touch that is not allowed to escalate. Tonight this is just holding. Sunday morning is just the couch. Say it out loud ahead of time so both of you know the exit is closed on purpose.
Do you need internal penetration to enjoy prostate stimulation?
No. Emily explains that external massage on the perineum, with lube and firm rhythmic pressure, reaches the prostate and pelvic floor indirectly. A slim internal toy reaches it directly a couple of inches in, toward the front of the body. Neither route is guaranteed to produce ejaculation. Some bodies feel a warm background pressure. Some feel a full release. Both are normal. Pair a silicone prostate toy with a water-based lube to keep the material happy.
What is the safest first step into kink and BDSM?
A conversation. Agree on your hard limits, pick one low-stakes thing to try (a blindfold is the gentlest on-ramp), and set a stop signal you both know cold (a safe word, or the green-yellow-red traffic light). Read up on anything that involves restraint, impact, or breath before you use it. Plan aftercare. Emily is right that the communication itself is the sexy part of doing this well.
What if my body tightens up during sex?
Treat the tightening as information rather than a verdict. Change the conditions (pace, position, lubrication, whether penetration is on the table at all), and try one small piece of what you wanted with an agreement to stop the moment either of you says the word yellow. If pain or persistent tension does not shift, worth seeing a clinician: a pelvic-floor physical therapist or a sex-positive medical provider is the right next step. A no is a complete answer. You do not owe a partner an alternative in exchange for one.
Sources
Cleveland Clinic, What Is a Prostate Massage and Are There Benefits?
Healthline, Prostate Orgasm: Tips, Techniques, Positions, and Benefits
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